Beautiful Stranger

forgive me if i'm the super bitch today.. dont know whats gotten into me. sorry if i found it hard to empathise with you.. but somehow i don't know. your complaints bout your workload aint making me feel better.
you know, i understand that everyone's real busy with school now, but that does not really make your workload heavier or more important than mine.
and you. what the hell is wrong with you. all you do is put me down.

everyone has their own problems now, so i'm gonna be a self-absorbed bitch and wallow in my own problems for once.
now excuse me. go bitch somewhere else.

by the way, this is a general entry, and ive wanted to say all these for quite some time. so if you think you're the person i'm talking about, don't worry. its not you.
thats the problem with a blog being public. i mean, i dont mind the close friends reading.. but i do have my own thoughts and opinions i wanna pen down without people getting sensitive and asking me bout wtf is going on with my life..

*takes a deep breath*
dad home and screaming at me gotta contribute a hell lot to this entry.

--------------- after half the day -------------------
things got steadily worse, and i'm starting to believe in murphy's law. okay, only for today. it was like a huge black cloud over house 23 that just won't move away. dad screamed, and screamed, mostly at me. okay, summarise..
he screamed. oh wait. i mentioned that. oh well, that just goes to show how much he did it.
my mom left the house earlier cos she was pissed... over what??
he screamed again.. he kicked the fan.

turns out the reason why he's moodswinging and kicking random furniture in the house ain't cos he's menopausing and he hates my specs.
he showed me his legal folder. there were at least 11 lawsuits there waiting for him. and he took up a total of 4 insurances.. and mom wants him to be romantic. well, its mothers' day.. but. i dont know. he kept going on about how the family's going to break apart.
you know, i totally hate it when he does that. it mades me feel uber guilty bout being bitchy and just.. ranting.

i had tried to forget the financial crisis the family is in, prob thats the reason why i avoid that talking to dad too long. cos it makes me stressed.. i know its selfish of me, but the problems bog me down, and the more i dwell on it, the more depressing the situation becomes.
dad's being sued for bankruptcy by like, a million people.. he showed me those documents. i can practically memorise them for how often they appear in the mail. they ask you to state your family members, your assets and their monetary value, including the house and car and whatever other valuables you might own.
dad comes home totally stressed cos he doesnt know where to the fuck to get such a huge sum of money from.. and everyday the problem snowballs.
he comes home, hes stressed out, and mom wants to spend time with him. result? conflict.
cos dad wants to rest, and mom wants him to be romantic, considering the fact he's home for bout 3days a week? its an irony really.. and he wants out.
i feel the whole situation of sec2 recurring. fuckit. this time though, i aint gonna result to stupid methods to make myself feel better.
[lol, if you actually bothered to highlight that.. you'll know wtf is really going on. ]

well, at least now i know it isn't cos he hated me. at least that part is cleared.
*shrugs*

chocolate-binged today.. and the endorphins didnt kick in. so apart from leaving me still feeling rather down bout the day, i'm growing fatter as i type this sentence. that must have been the whole week's calories rolled into 2bars of chocolate. LOL.

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